Things I learned from drunk texting my ex boyfriend.

I was happier before I got an iPhone.

That was the original title of this post. I figured the other one would catch your eye more quickly. And I'm still hung over, so it's no less accurate. A productive hangover, but at the same time, one where I say to myself "I'm never drinking again."

I'll begin with saying this: I do believe that Apple makes beautiful, innovative products that help further society. I am not one of those people who believes that technology is ruining culture. Rather, I believe that inter-connectedness and social media can do anything from spreading awareness to saving lives. The internet is beautiful. I get to see my adorable cousins grow up on the opposite side of the country. I get to see shelter dogs on doggy death row find homes because someone posted a picture of them on Facebook. Cell phones protect us and our children- what if we get into a car accident? What if our kids are in danger and need a ride home? I will argue for those people any day.

However: for me, and for a lot of people I think, it's about learning where the line is drawn. Are we really gaining more by checking Twitter every thirty minutes instead of just once or twice a day? Or how about waking up at 3 am and realizing that somebody didn't text us back, and getting upset? What a great time to feel uncared for and suddenly awake- right when our bodies are needing the deepest relaxation of the day.

The worst is when we feel the need to check this shit while we are driving, our kids are in the backseat, and we are in a metal box flying at 55 mph next to other metal boxes that could KILL US INSTANTLY. Are we really that terrified of being alone, in our own head, with our own thoughts? Are we really that terrified of BEING PRESENT? And, I'll be honest because I do this, WHY do I wake up in the middle of the night half asleep and check MY EMAIL? Is it really that ingrained into my head that constant availability to others is normal?

I hear this one way too much: "But she didn't text me back."

I hate the fact that relationships can be broken over a text message. What happened to "actions speak louder than words?" Screw the wonderful times we've had in person with someone: her smile, the positive energy, the laughs, the way she looked at me- she didn't text me back so she doesn't care about me. Meanwhile, there are no guidelines in place that dictate what polite and impolite text messaging entails- It's really just our "worst case scenario" brain getting the best of us. I've been on both sides of the smart phone: the one who receives ten text messages from someone who thinks that because I didn't text back I don't care about them (although I was swamped at work and chose not to use my phone), and I've been the one desperately and angrily trying to get ahold of someone who doesn't want to use their phone at that time. I will say this: It. Ruins. Relationships.

Since when do we have an obligation to others that we need to be available constantly? Since when is choosing not to use our phone frowned upon? Since when am I rude for not texting someone back that day? Please, tell me, are there rules out there that say I must text someone back within a certain amount of time in order to be a good friend/girlfriend/sister/daughter/younameit? I am sick and tired of having my phone glued to my hip. I'm sick and tired of my habit to check my smart phone constantly, for no good reason. I'm sick and tired of the illusion that "I don't have any new text messages/notifications/messages from these people, so they must not care about me." And I'm sick and tired of seeing family dinners and gatherings get ruined by people sitting on their phones: "Let's all get dressed up, go out to dinner, and spend a lot of money just to sit on our phones and not be present with the people in front of us." I've waited tables where mother and daughter were sitting on their phones, not even looking at each other, barely talking the entire time. It's all bullshit, really.

I'm sick and tired of looking at the world through a tiny glowing screen.

Dancing at my mom's wedding was WAY more fun than tweeting about it:

So much more warm and fuzzy in person than on Instagram:

This is just a tiny dimension of the beauty I found here:

What's more fun than pinteresting the new Nike sneakers I want to run in? RUNNING IN THEM.

This is my brother Caden. He is mad that we are on our iPhones at dinner and not talking to him.

So, here's my New Years Resolution: I'm going to break my awful smart phone habits and check my phone when I feel like it. I choose to be constantly present with what is in a 360 degree view around me, not on a tiny little screen in the palm of my hand. If I decide to turn my phone off, I have the right to do so.

You want me to be available to you constantly? YOU pay my data plan.